Begin at the beginning....

Begin at the beginning and go on until you are done...

So goes a line from one of me new favorite readings, "Cutting for Stone" by Abraham Varghese.  I believe the lesson learned is that as hard as it might be to get around to telling the story or reporting the events, it is always simplest to just start at the beginning.  Then keep going till you reach the end, ta-da! You're finished.

And so my journey to weight loss and some healthy lifestyle changes begins.  I am an admitted foodie.  I love to cook, even if I am on a treadmill, I'd watch the Food network.  I need more exercise and less good food. Trouble is, I think it's not worth eating bad food. Not that that philosophy stops me from my morning bagel at good old Dunkin :)

But why IS weight loss so hard for people?  Do we really have a defective gene? Are we pre-programmed to be fat?  I have always hovered around 165-180 and for the most part could accept my size 14 figure without a lot of hatred. Now I'm 250lbs wearing a size 20 and I couldn't hate myself more if I tried. So what went wrong? I dunno...plenty I suppose.  There was the wedding that never happened but then did happen just the not the way I planned and without my family.  There's the marriage that is just not very happily every after. There's a husband who wanted children when he was dating me but now that we're married (and I moved to a new state for him) says he doesn't want kids. So here I sit, on the brink of our 2 year anniversary wondering if I made a mistake.  How do I fix it? well I didn't talk to him, that's for sure - instead I ate myself into misery.  For every doubt I ate a cupcake. For tears I had cake. Let us not forget how many cups of coffee with cream and sugar I felt justified in consuming in the mornings when he was yet again unpleasant.  Why, you may ask, am I not talking to my husband? Again...dunno.  Seems I thought I could eat my way to a solution.

So here we are, 36yr old and weighing 250lb. I can't fit into a booth anymore!  I feel huge, I am huge. So where do I start and I do I do it?  I know enough to say I have to exercise, but I guess what I am trying to root out during this journey is how will I resolve the emotional component of this problem?  Life has not been happy but in the end it will be what I make of it.  I don't have a sob story any sadder than anyone else, and I don't deserve special consideration. I need to get myself together.

So it begins:  the goals are not to start being accountable to myself and my health, to encourage and expect support from close friends and family and to come up with a way to politely stand up t those skinny people who want to force feed their high carb meals on me even after I have declined eighteen times!! 

thoughts?
suggestions?
ideas?

please share your own experiences and thoughts  -I want this to be a shared journey, with the hope that many of us can grow and become healthier from it.

More to come!

Toodles :)